Saturday, April 02, 2005

ACLU Is Our Enemy

At least Magnum gets it:
The ACLU is responsiable for our nation not being a theoracy. They have done so much to make sure non-christians have the same rights as christians...

Its the ACLU VS the christian right/christian reconstructionist.
The ACLU is fighting for the rights of non-christians to worship as they please
The ACLU is fighting for the right of people who are terminally ill to die in peace
The ACLU is fighting to keep the christian reconstructionist out of the class room
The ACLU is fighting to keep mr. bush in check so that this nation does not fall into a theoracy.
The ACLU is not against the citizens of the nation, but against the christian reconstructionist.
Ahem.

Do you see the problem now??

After all that work we went through to make sure non-christians were forced at gunpoint to go to church, and the ACLU goes off complaining!

We were... So close! Mr. Bush was in office and everything, but the ACLU came up claiming that people have RIGHTS. I was appalled by some literature I found published by these NAZIS and decided to give them a call.

I was shocked when I first called, hearing nothing but Satanic gibberish on the other line, but eventually a devil woman who was apparently unpossessed began to speak with me.

"What is this I read about your organization?" I screamed into the phone. "You ANTI-CHRISTIANS put up a poster on my block claiming gays are HUMAN!"

The woman replied rudely, "I think you have the wrong number. This is the A-L-C-U, not the A-C--"

"I know who you are!"

I valiantly fought against the heathen, who eventually gave in and revealed the number to her higher master. I think she realized I was not so EASILY INTIMIDATED by her Satanic accent.

I dialed the other number. After some more smooth-talking, the phone was picked up by a man. All I could hear at first was heavy breathing.

"Hi, I'm Ramona Ripston," he finally said. I could hear the man grunt and mutter something about homophobes.



"Can I help you with something?"

I prepared for my usual screeching. "I've contacted you to voice my CONCERN--"

There was a scream and I fell silent. "--You're not one of those HOMOPHOBES calling about that gay seminar we had in a kindergarten class, are you? Listen, homosexuality is a BEAUTIFUL THING and I think it's WONDERFUL that kids get exposure to it before bigots like you can BRAINWASH them!"

I blinked. "No."

"GOOD. BECAUSE WE KEEP LISTS OF YOU PEOPLE AND WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE." He sounded quite satisfied with himself and sighed over the phone.

I wasn't quite sure how to continue, so instead of confronting the devil, I played along. Oooh, I'm SLY! "So... What are your plans to stop the Christians from taking over?"

"Well, as you know," he began, "everyone has the right to be free in the U.S. Except, well, you know, CHRISTIANS. So, we're thinking, getting rid of Christmas should be the first step. Nothing says FASCISM like a Chrismas tree and presents."

I cursed was unhappy at this news. This was one of our favorite plans to instill theocracy on America!



"And of course, oppressing a religion is the worst way to deal with it. Just gives them a common enemy. We're ain't gonna make any MARTYRS. So, instead of boxcars and concentration camps, we like the Swedish 're-education' route. The Bible? Hate speech. Gay men not being allowed to work with boy scouts? Discrimination. Claiming Islam has problems? Get your butt off to re-education camp, buddy."

I could not restrain myself any longer.

We continued the conversation in a civilized, rational manner.

"CHRISTIAN FASCIST!"

"SATANIC DEVIL-WORSHIPPER!"

"HOMOPHOBIC CHILD-MOLESTER!"

"SODOMIZING UNBELIEVER!"

"YOU NAZI JEW-LOVING--"

I'm not sure how long it went on, but we eventually both ran out of adjectives and hung up.

Just goes to show you.

1 Comments:

At 10:52 AM, Blogger Jennifer said...

What does ACLU STANDS 4? Why r u trying 2 make America a theocracy? or r u?

 

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