Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Home Sweet Home

I don't know if this needs--you know--clarification, but I'm a pretty veracious supporter of homeschooling myself. Why? Because...

Well, you know! They teach bad things like evolution, which by the way is ONLY a theory!!! You people... Shaaame!

So anyway, I've encountered this story and had to review some of the facts to make sure we Christian brothers have our views right. Last I heard, we Reconstructionists decided we didn't like Nazis, mostly so that we would survive more than two minutes without being brutally slaughtered by all normal people in this country. So, unfortunately, I'll have to chastise the homeschooling parents of these two teens:
Thirteen-year-old twins Lamb and Lynx Gaede have one album out, another on the way, a music video, and lots of fans... Known as "Prussian Blue" — a nod to their German heritage and bright blue eyes — the girls from Bakersfield, Calif., have been performing songs about white nationalism before all-white crowds since they were nine.

"We're proud of being white, we want to keep being white," said Lynx. "We want our people to stay white … we don't want to just be, you know, a big muddle. We just want to preserve our race."

Aww, aren't the little Nazi girls cute? They want to preserve their fictional race!


I mean, how HORRIBLE!

Nonetheless, there was a press debate over whether these home-schooled girls prove that all home-schoolers are therefore racist Nazis who are recruiting children for the perpetration of their own agenda.

"Look," the nameless blonde news-whore began, "all I'm saying is, doesn't this just show how racist all people who object to the school system are? These girls were homeschooled just so they could be Nazis."

The pro-homeschoolers pointed out that cases like this were no only extremely rare, but that public schools are in fact much more efficient in making criminal and racist juveniles.

"Excuse me?" the blonde puffed up, eyes narrowing. "Do you know what we are? We're the news media, you f***ers! We are the TRUTH! Just because you Nazi Christian Jew supremacists think the public school system is garbage doesn't mean it's TRUE! You people make me sick. Because you know what? We understand the whole system. We appreciate the behemoth of beauracracy that chews up and spits out its consumers like bad chewing tobacco--because we've lived it! We've worked 200 years to give this inadequate, failing system and you dare to deny it? You want choices? What are you, capitalist pigs??"

The home-schoolers nearly opened their mouths.

"Let's see what this KKK member thinks about this issue," the blonde whistfully shifted.

"They're probably Jews," the KKKer began. "Because... You know. They're just probably Jews or something."


Somehow, I don't think the English language can appropriately sum up this issue--the fact that these 13 years olds are racist and accompany bands like Shawn Sugg, who has the lyrical talent of a poet--observe:
Let the cities burn, let the streets run red, if you ain't white you'll be dead.
Doesn't that just roll off the tongue? Maybe if he stopped being... A Nazi, he could actually have an audience that doesn't want to lynch him.

I imagine these girls someday finding themselves in a pretty awkward position in which there is a) a black person and b) no reasonable means to assert their racial authority without being immediately jumped and killed.
April had decided that Bakersfield was not "white" enough, so she sold her home, and hopes that she and the girls can find an all-white community in the Pacific Northwest.
Well, just... God bless 'em and their white selves. They're just proud of their white skin, white teeth, white eyes, white hair, white hearts, white appendixes, and their white music and white life-style; they want to continue being white and making white music in front of white crowds, and I say, white let 'em! Maybe someday the little white girls will grow up to be white druggies and smoke some good white crack and get some good old-fashioned white heart attacks and die.

I think I should write a song about that. It would be, like, "let's go smoke some crack, because weed is for n*****s!"

Then I could become obscenely rich for writing crap, just like them.


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At 9:06 AM, Blogger Leah said...

I totally forgot you had this blog! Elisabeth just told me recently about it. Silly me. I also critiziced this article on my blog. I would have to say your post about it is a lot more humerous.

At 7:04 AM, Blogger Ben. said...

You sir, are genius. I first found your blog looking for black people, and I found the picture that you made of "Rule #23" and I read your blog. I have read everything you have written, and it is great. All things aside though, I'm one of those iffy people that "needs proof" of God's existence. People can believe what they want to believe, however I choose to be different. Anyway, I wanted to say I thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog.


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