Wednesday, May 03, 2006

The Heroic Tales of Heroism, With a Hero and Everything

Journal Entry by Joni Jay - April 6


I think I'll, like, give myself a subtitle while I'm at it. It'll be: The Heroic Tales of Heroism, With a Hero and Everything: A Hero Named Joni Jay and Her Heroic Acts.


Oooh yeah. That's good.


Anyway, I am quite possibly the most courageous person ever. I'm a principal of a school, and today our second grade teacher is going to read "King & King" to a bunch of kids. I expect to be lynched soon afterwards by a bunch of homophobic Christians who just don't understand the joy of sharing gay marriage with six-year-olds.





Wish me luck! I wonder if they'll make a movie after me...


April 7


A strange crowd is arriving at the front of the school. I tried to confront the group of strange creatures--they resembled human mothers thrown into an hysteria. However, the confrontation was not successful. They spoke a strange language of "parents' rights" and other foreign nonsense. They were yelling and holding signs. It is almost as though... They are angry for some reason.





Perturbed, I went back inside the building, only to receive similar-sounding phone calls. I tried to explain that it was the SCHOOL SYSTEM, not they, who owned their children, but they refused to listen to logic. I did as any courageous person would in my situation.




My staff are asking me what to do in the face of this controversial crisis.




I assure them that completely blowing parents off is the best course of action. Eventually, I told them, they will get tired and go home, and then we could safely crawl out from under our desks. My staff stared in awe in the presence of my iron will. Or maybe it was my poorly applied mascara...


April 7, 2:00 PM



OH MY GOD.


I'M GETTING HATE MAIL. HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING TO ME? WHAT DID I DO?? WHY GOD WHY????


NO ONE NOWADAYS GETS ANGRY E-MAIL, DO THEY??? WHY ONLY ME? I'M SO ALONE THAT I'M GOING TO HARP TO THE NEWSPAPERS ABOUT THE FACT THAT I HAVE A FOLDER LABELLED 'ANGRY LETTERS' BECAUSE GETTING ANGRY E-MAIL IS A BADGE OF COURAGE!!


Didn't all the great revolutionaries get angry e-mail letters at some point in their career? Note to self: Ask the history teacher about this--that is, if I ever get out of my office alive.



April 8


I allowed those "parents" to make their complaint about the fact that I allow teachers to expose children to gay marriage without their consent.


And, well...



I heard their complaint, right? Sort of. Between "Helter Skelter"'s guitar solo, anyway.


April 9


The "Parents' Rights Coalition" showed up to protest the fact that I'm giving gays rights (or at least, that's what I think I heard, between the 'parents' rights' stuff). Is it just me, or is the demand for 'parental rights' just a guise for the rabid homophobia these parents are hiding? I now realize that gays and lesbians are right to think that 'parent's rights' are synonymous with 'oppression of gays.' I mean, have you ever noticed that every time schools try to teach young children about homosexuality, parents complain about their 'rights' to teach their own children about difficult topics?


Kinda fishy, don't you think?


**********


THE ADVENTURES OF OUR HERO WILL CONTINUE!


...Or WILL they?


(No)

2 Comments:

At 9:49 AM, Blogger Leah said...

ahaaaaahaaaaa!...that was extremely entertaining...I most enjoyed the pictures you put in there...ha ha

I read a newspaper article similar to the one you linked to in the Star Tribune. It was about 2nd and 3rd graders doing a skit about "diversity"...and also how schools in MN are trying to put in this whole course thing for 2ND AND 3RD graderst to learn about homesexuals, transgender, etc., people and just all this..stuff.
Schools aren't about education anymore...its just turning into this big place meant for teaching childrens how to NOT offend homosexuals and learn about "tolerance" and "acceptance". gag.
Your posts are always humerous to me, as well as thought provoking ^_^

 
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