Thursday, November 24, 2005

A Special Recon Thanks

In commemeration of the wonderful tradition of forcing Indian savages to convert, today America sits together at tables across the nation, watching football and enduring awkward conflicts between rival family members.

America has a lot to be thankful for this year, and we Christian Reconstructionists, too, count our blessings.

As we sat together with a turkey steaming at the foot of the table, I stood and recalled all that we are grateful for.

1. We are thankful for the fact that despite low membership and a terrible reputation wherever we have one at all, we have not yet disbanded.

2. We are thankful for the educational system not quite forcing children to become Muslim. Maybe they'll get to that next year.

3. We are thankful for brave groups such as "God Hates Fags," who join us constantly in our pursuit for an America that thinks every single Christian is whacko.

4. We are thankful for the turkey that died for this meal, who by the way did not evolve from anything because evolution is evil and full of LIES.

5. We are thankful for Magnum Serpentine's contributions to our efforts. May he rest in peace.

6. Oh, and I guess we're thankful for, like, God and stuff, too.

So, consume your food! Practice your heathen rituals! Enjoy being a non-Reconstructionist! You days will not last much longer!

BUAHAHAHAHAHA--*cough sputter*

Auugh I shouldn't do that.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Silly Negro; Conservatim is for White Folk!

Now, I just want to say, I like black people. Or... Is it "African-American" now?

Well, whatever. We Christian Reconstructionists love you guys--why? Well, there is the fact that ya'll are getting richer and richer... But we won't go into that.

Really, we do support you. And although we are what people call "stone-age conservatives," the type of people who want to reinstate slavery and all that other Biblical staus quo (which Jesus obviously supported, because he didn't destroy it), I assure you, Biblical slavery is not as bad as American slavery. No, Biblical slaves had it pretty good--they got babes. Yeah, you heard me, guys--become a slave and in no time, you have yourself the Pharaoh's wife.

I also happen to like that gospel music you guys have going there. It's real uppity.


The strange thing is, black people really like being Democrat. There are some reasons that famous liberals point out:

1) Democrats have violent love affairs with abortion--and of course, with high African-American abortion rates, blacks must love it, too! The Democratic party has given the U.S. a cheap and sensible way to make sure every birth is seen as a mistake and obstacle to a woman's well-being, so what better way to make sure we don't get too many black babies? Goodness knows we don't want any more poor black babies being born. So, instead of giving to charity or some Republican churchy crap like that, Democrats uphold that we should just abort the suckers. First, they lay a guilt trip on the woman ("can you afford to buy your kid the $380 tennis shoes he'll need when he's older? And with all the racism today, is it even worth living?") and eventually convince her that the baby is some parasite of humanity that must be obliterated. Then, no more poor black babies! Poverty and crime problem solved, by the black Democratic Party! Hallelujia!

2) Also, there is a huge fraction of black Christians in the Democrat Party. This makes perfect sense, because Democrats take every opportunity they can to spit on organized religion (except the religion of peace, Islam).

3) Blacks also believe they should be judged on their character, not on their skin color. Democrats meanwhile, in total consistensy with these wishes, support affirmative action.

In this context, there has been a "quirk" exposed of liberals.

Michael Steele, a Lt. Governor of Maryland and a runner for senate, is black. However, some of his racial peers don't seem to agree with this statement, because apparently, unless you believe exactly what all other black people believe, you are a traitor and an Uncle Tom. He was pelted with Oreos at a campaign conference and depicted as a minstrel on a liberal blog.

Personal opinions and independent thoughts, so says Ms. Marriott, a black Baltimore Democrat, "are for white people."

"We have worked long and hard to gain the right to say our thoughts without fear of persecution," she continued. "And we'll fight even harder to make sure all of this progress is stifled immediately. This has got to stop before those Republican Oreos can start thinking without the Democrat's party's help!"

Steve Gilliard, another black racist Democrat, said, "So I made the stupid picture of Steele as a minstrel. And? It's a freaking metaphor! It's a metaphor of how all those 'black' people who think they're so big and 'independent' are WHITIES--everyone knows it's impossible for us black people to form opinions of our own!"

A white Democrat who professes to be a strong civil rights supporter also spoke up. "We Democrats have always looked out for black people, just as a mother looks out for its retarded child--we love them, we take care of them, and we pat them on the head even when they do or say something horrendously stupid. Because you see, they just don't know any better. All that racism they've lived through has crippled their will, so it's up to us Democrats to hold their hands and tell them what to believe."

"I mean, just look at me," he pointed out. "I'm not a racist, like those 'equality-seeking' conservatives. Conservatives think all races are equal, while we Democrats recognize that blacks are special and need all sorts of special care and special ways of explaining things."

Another man living in a suburban neighborhood explained, "I love all African-Americans, just as any good liberal would--just keep them off my lawn and keep their filthy hands off my daughter!"

"--And make sure they stay in their neighborhoods!"

Danziger, a liberal political cartoonist, simply stated, "CONDI RICE IS A N****R!"

After a moment, he clarified, "And I mean that in a totally non-racial way."


Are we excited about liberals?

Are we?

Ooh, I know I am.

Filty heathens.